First weigh in

Yesterday marked one week of me being on NS, and it was my first weigh in.  I’m glad to say that I lost three pounds!  It’s kind of funny though – I know that I could have done better with very little effort.  I didn’t really stick to the program, and instead substituted some meals.  Worse, I GORGED at dinner on Sat night at Marrakesh (after eating out – including a few french fries – on Sat afternoon!).  It didn’t stop there – Sunday I ate an entire turkey hoagie for lunch, and snacked on Reeses Pieces a little too much.  This is why I know that I can do better this week.

On my way to the weigh in, I was STARVING.  All I could think about was what I was going to have for dinner the minute I got out of the weigh in.  My thoughts turned to Wendys, and then to Baja Fresh.  Surely a “naked burrito” would be ok to have, after all, it’s weigh in day, and I have a whole week to catch up, right?  Plus, I WAS STARVING!  Sitting in the lobby waiting for my appointment, I looked up the nutrition info on the naked burrito.  It’s close to 700 calories.  I still thought it might be worth it.  After the weigh in, though, I reconsidered, thinking about how I’ll be going out to dinner on Thursday of this week to Tinto, a meal that I will certainly want to indulge in.  Suddenly the idea of fast food didn’t appeal – it just wasn’t worth it.  Instead, I ate the chocolate raspberry “dinner bar” I’d brought along.  When I got home, I had some salad and one of the NS burgers that I swore I’d nver touch.  It was surprisingly good.  I will really try to stick with the program as many days as possible this week, and try to beat my 3 pound loss!

Day three on NutriSystem

So far, so good on the NS thing, although I have to admit that I haven’t been following it religiously.  I just can’t bring myself to have a powdered, pre-packaged, non-refrigerated meal for lunch and dinner.  The breakfasts I’ve had have been fine so far, although I’ve only had their cereal.

I’ve been substituting WW meals for the NS meals at some times.  For lunch yesterday, I had a WW meal, plus salad.  For dinner, I had a NS entree that was edible at best.  I wouldn’t call it good, but it wasn’t terrible.  It was some sort of beef with mushroom gravy.  For dessert, I had a chocolate peanut butter bar – by far the best NS product I’ve ingested!

Breakfast today was NS Flakes cereal with blueberries (fresh), and lunch will be a WW meal.

I’ve been good about keeping up with my food diary also, and remembering to eat enough dairy, protien, fruits and veggies each day.  I know that the key to weightloss is tracking everything that I eat and drink, so I don’t feel so bad about subsituting WW meals on occassion.

My next weigh in is Monday evening.  I’m pretty excited to find out how I’m doing!

I’m…ummmm….back?

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I’m back again.  The 7 week absence can be attributed to the fact that I completely FAILED at the idea of group blogging with the Shrinking Summer Challenge over at Shrinking Jeans.  It was such an awesome idea, and I just knew that I’d really take to it.  Fail.  Complete fail.  I think the idea of NOT blogging here on my own somehow made me less accountable.  I’d decided that rather than blog here and blog on my shiny new Team Yellow blog, I’d just blog on the shiny new.  But I didn’t.

OK, water under the bridge and all that.  Let’s just say that I’m about 2 pounds heavier than when I began this blog, so yeah, that just didn’t work for me at all.

My motivation has completely withered away over the past 7 weeks.  I need to get myself back on track, or I will never succeed.  In an effort to jump start things, I am currently taking part in a trial of NutriSystem.  It’s a study that they are conducting, and as a participant, the whole month is free, with no talk or obligation about joining when the month is up.  Today is day one of my NS journey.  Here’s what I’ve discovered thus far:

Nearly all of their pre-packaged meals look nasty.  I really can’t trust hamburger patties and chicken patties that do not have to be refrigerated.

So far, breakfast seems fine – pre-packaged cereal, cereal bars, etc.  I had “NutriFlakes” today for breakfast.  They tasted  a lot  like Wheaties, and I was actually quite full (not really full, but certainly not hungry at all) for several hours after.  For lunch, I had “Pasta with Broccoli”, which was edible.  Not delicious or anything, but edible.  I really can not see being able to eat most of this food, but I will happily substitute it with WW or Lean Cuisine meals.

Day one.  Go me.

I’m Back

I’m back.  Back to this blog and back to focusing on my weight loss.  I fell off the wagon pretty hard, gained back some of the weight that I’d lost, felt more miserable about myself, etc.  But, I’m back.

Last night, my dear friend Kelly and I went back to Weight Watchers.  We are not new to WW, but we have strayed.  It’s been close to a year since I’ve been to a meeting, and that particular stint was short lived and yielded no results.  It’s been close to 4 years since I was really committed to WW.  It’s been 16 years since I attended my first meeting.  If there’s a prize for “Most Times Joined”, I want it.

On my drive to WW, I called Kelly.  I told her I just wasn’t feeling it.  She was excited to go back there, and I was dreading it.  I felt like a failure for being back a WW once again.  Kelly has a much better attitude about this (about most things, really).  She said she feels like she’s been out of control, and that going back to WW is her way of taking control.  I like that idea.  I’m going to try to get there mentally.

The jury is out on whether we like our leader, but we like our classmates so far.  We sat through the meeting, and I did feel slightly inspired.  Then we went to dinner.  It was a last supper of sorts – I felt that pigging out was in order, just this one more time, so I over ate.  Just one last time.

Last night,  I set my alarm for 5:30am.

This morning, the alarm went off.

I hit snooze.

I fell back to sleep, but not after telling myself several times that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

It went off again at 5:39.

I turned the alarm off.

BUT THE STORY DOESN’T END THERE!

After a few more minutes of sleep and telling myself that stuff about the journey of a thousand miles, I got out of bed, got dressed, and spent 25 minutes on the treadmill.

1.5 miles down.  998.5 to go.

Weekly Weigh In

168.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

That pretty much sums up my feelings right about now.  I’m heavier than last week, grumpy, PMSing, and feeling fat and gross.

I have been TOTALLY unmotivated ALL week.  In fact, I only worked out once.  I’m not surprised or disappointed with my weight gain, because I excpeted it.  I’m pissed at myself and pretty much disgusted with my lack of motivation though.

This weekend, I’m heading away with the entire immediate family (20+ people – yikes!), and we’ll pretty much do nothing but eat and drink too much.  I am just not focusing on weight loss until next week.  lame, I know, but realistic.

Hopefully, your week was better than mine.

Who Knew?

This week was not exactly a good one for me.  I weighed in on Thursday, and on Friday, I went to a surprise party for my niece.  I was pretty good at the party, although there were absolutely no healthy choices for dinner.  I did the best I could by ordering the hamburger and not eating the bun, and I only nibbled on a piece of the birthday cake, rather than eating the entire piece I was served.  I did have a few glasses of wine too, but I told myself I’d be extra vigilant all weekend to make up for the extra calories.

Saturday came, and we spent the day doing yardwork.  Actually, J spent the day doing yardwork, and I spent the day running around to hardware stores and garden stores, getting stuff for the garden and flower beds.  Lunch was takeout from the pizza place, and dinner was delicious Indian food from a great new restaurant in town.  Again, I’d fallen off the wagon a bit, but still felt in control.  Until the next day, when all hell broke loose.

I can honestly say that I never really considered myself an emotional eater.  By that, I mean that I’ve never consciously thought “I’m angry/sad/lonely, therefore I am going to eat a boatload of unhealthy shit.  Surely that will make me feel better.”  However, those are exactly the thoughts I had on Sunday.  Without getting into the entire story, let’s just say that J forgot about Mother’s Day.  Well, he didn’t actually forget – in fact, he KNEW it was Mother’s Day.  He just somehow thought that he didn’t need to do anything for me on Mother’s Day.  Not a card, not a gift, nothing.  When I woke up, he gave me a kiss and said “Happy Mother’s Day”.  That was it.  The week before, I’d told him that the only thing I wanted for Mother’s Day was for him to serve me breakfast on the deck.  I’d told him that all I wanted for breakfast was some fruit and a cup of tea.  These are not exactly unreasonable requests, right?  Basically, he didn’t have his shit together enough to go to the store and procure these items in time for breakfast on Mother’s Day, so he just ignored my request altogether.  This is how I know that I am in fact an emotional eater.

We spent most of the day Sunday with my family at the Phillies’ game.  We all tailgated both before and after the game, where I ate way too many cheese & crackers, chips and salsa, dips, etc.  I also decided that eating ice cream at the game would make me feel better.  By that night – after not speaking to him for roughly 12 hours – J got the hint that I was beyond pissed at him.  In a lame attempt to throw together something very last minute for Mother’s Day, he took CC & I to a nice restaurant for dinner, where I ordered the filet mignon, served with mashed potatoes and sauteed spinach.  We also ordered a bottle of wine, and I attempted to drown my sorrows in the better part of that.  Lastly, I ordered dessert.  A giant and fattening dessert.

The bizarre and entirely self destructive part of this whole episode is that I knew what I was doing!  It was like I was saying to myself “I’ll show him!  I’ll show him how pissed off I am and how much he hurt me by EATING EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT NAILED DOWN!!!  If he gets too close, I will eat him TOO!”  Not surprisingly, my binge fest didn’t exactly have him cowering in fear or begging for my forgiveness.  Instead, it made me feel worse (although I have to admit that the ice cream felt awesome at the time, and may have been worth every single calorie).  It made me feel out of control, overstuffed, overweight, and gross.  Not exactly the feelings of comfort that I was seeking.

Needless to say, I gained weight over the weekend.  In the past though, I’d give up at this point, tell myself that I’ll never lose the weight, and that I’m destined to be fat forever.  I am NOT letting myself fall into that trap this time.  I can do this, even if I have bad weeks.

My current weight is 167.6, exactly where it was last week.  I didn’t have a total loss week over week, but since I put on a little bit over the weekend, I worked hard early this week to get back into control.  I will not let another set back get the best of me again.  Tomorrow is another day, and next week is another weigh in.

Weekly Weigh In

My weekly weigh in is a day late, as I was travelling yesterday.  I’m very happy to say that despite spending three days at a conference, I still managed to lose, even if it was mere ounces.

My current weight is 167.6

To be perfectly honest, I thought I would have gained weight.  My best friend joined me for two days of the conference, so I had several drinks and ate things like nachos and BBQ sandwiches.  However, I countered that stuff by watching what I ate during the day – sticking to fruits and yogurt at the free breakfast buffet, loading up on veggies and lean proteins at the lunch buffet (oh – also sampling some peach cobbler and vanilla ice cream at lunch one day, but c’mon, I wasin Georgia!)  I also spent 45 mins walking/running on the treadmill on Tuesday. 

I’m proud that I was able to find a good balance of pigging out and drinking with my friend, yet controlling my calorie intake at breakfast and lunch.

The new shred starts on Monday over at The Sisterhood.  I’m not certain yet if I’m going to start that challenge.  I’m thinking of starting the Couch to 5 K again and sticking with it this time.  No matter what I decide, I will still be looking to the Sisterhood for tips, encouragement and inspiration.

My goal for the week is to grab one of those snazzy “I’ve lost 5 lbs” buttons over at the Sisterhood.  I have less than a pound to go to hit that goal!

In a Groove

I’m still feeling really positive and still losing a little bit each day.  I am trying to stay as committed as possible whenever I can, knowing that there will always be parties, Girls Weekends, vacations, etc that will temporarily knock me off track.  As long as I plan for those things, I truly believe that I can reach my goals.

One such “stumbling block” is coming up soon.  I’m heading to a conference on Sunday.  I will be there until Wednesday.  Normally, a conference wouldn’t be a real challenge for me in terms of sticking to a diet, but this conference is different.

• While I’m going for work, the conference happens to be just outside of Atlanta
• My best friend lives in Atlanta
• Atlanta is FAR from me, so we never get to see each other
• She is ditching her husband and two kids for TWO whole days to come and hang out with me at a posh resort
• While I will be busy all day with meetings, my evenings will be free to hang out with her
• Alcohol contains calories, even when sipped poolside
• The food you binge on after a few hours of drinking also contains calories
• I absolutely couldn’t give a sh*t
• I intend to have a BLAST
• My weigh-in next week may be crappy
• It will absolutely be worth it

See you sometime next week!

Wednesday Weigh In

I’m thrilled to report that I am down 2.4 pounds this week!  I am currently 167.8.  It’s been close to a year that I’ve been this low.  I seem to have spent the last 10 months or so hovering right around the 170 mark – sometimes I was 168, sometimes I was 172, and while I know that I’m a mere .2 lbs from 168, it’s HUGE for me!

Know what else feels awesome?  Falling out of the “Obese” category on BMI charts.  I have now reached the “Overweight” category – woo hoo!  Seriously, who wouldn’t rather be “Overweight” than “obese”, right?  Perhaps I was in denial, but I never considered myself obese.  When I hear that word, it brings to mind Guinness Book of World’s Records sort of obese – not someone who needs to lose 50 lbs.  Not to say that 50 pounds isn’t a lot to lose, but c’mon – OBESE?  Yikes.

Let’s just say I’m “Happily Overweight”.  And very much looking forward to being “Normal Weight” soon.

I’m still shredding, but not as religiously.  I think this is somehow working in my favor.  I feel like I’ve found a good balance this week between calories in and exercise, and I don’t feel the need to shred every single day.  However, I will be starting Level 3 tomorrow, and I plan on shredding at least 5 times a week.  I think that for now, this is a good mix for me.

True Confession Monday

In the spirit of The Sisterhood, here is the first installment of my Monday True Confessions.

1. I have skipped a few Shreds
2. I’ve skipped them mainly because I do not think that the Shred is working for me.
3. I’m still exercising, but not shredding everyday
4. I did Level 2 again yesterday, and I really really hate it
5. Just because I hate it doesn’t mean that I won’t still do it
6. I’m discouraged at how incredibly s.l.o.w.l.y. the weight is coming off – it’s brutal and it’s disheartening, and I am trying my damnedest to keep motivated
7. I have been tracking every single calorie that enters my body, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that I’m eating well – lots of fruits and veggies, lots of water, lots of healthy protein
8. Nearly every other day I waver between feeling so empowered and so strong, and feeling as though I will never, ever lose this weight
9. That kinda sucks
10. OK – here’s a fun one:  For those of you who know Level 2 of the Shred – by the end of the Shred I’m so sick of Jillian and her skinny little friends that I have my back to the TV during the last two minutes of cardio.  It is also during these last two minutes that Jillian goes nuts over how well Natalie is doing.  Jillian keeps saying “Look at this – look at her – this is amazing – she is amazing” or whatever.  When my back is turned, I like to pretend that she’s talking to me.  It makes me laugh every single time.